I wasn’t scheduled to see my therapist until September, but she had a last-minute cancellation so I was able to get in. I was in a fairly decent mood going into it and I feel like that makes me less anxious about it.
I tend to quit things that are hard or that I don’t see progress from. I’ve been to therapy before – in 2017 and 2018. But I didn’t stick with either of those for longer than a few sessions. I’m an introverted introvert – I hate talking to people, I don’t like leaving my house, and I really hate to be judged. However, I think I’ve found a therapist that I feel comfortable with, and I actually want to go to each session. I get disappointed when I have to wait a month for my next appointment. I take that as a good sign.
This is only my fourth session with her, and I don’t know how much progress I’ve made, if any. But I know that I need to stick with it and see where it goes from here. I’m taking 18 credits this fall so I’m sure I’ll have plenty to talk about!
Today’s session was spent recapping the last two weeks, and informing her that I joined some local groups. The first one is a photography club. I am not confident in my photography skills (though I hear great things from people). I would like to be more confident, get some critiques on my work, and work on my skills as a photographer. There are monthly photo themes where we can submit our work for critique at the next meeting, and also several events throughout the community that I could help photograph.
One upside to this club is that it forces me to get out into the community, attend events, and photograph things I wouldn’t otherwise photograph (I mostly take photos of my kids and Cat). Of course, being an introvert, that is also a huge downside, because I would rather stay in my house than go out. But I’ve already paid my yearly dues and my first meeting is in two weeks!
The other group I joined just last night is a local writer’s group. I haven’t been able to write fiction since I took a creative writing college course in the Fall of 2017. I got some really harsh feedback from the instructor and since then, I can’t sit down and write like I used to. I loved writing, and wrote only for myself. To hear the things that were said about me and my writing just shook me and I can’t seem to get over that.
My therapist is hopeful that this local writing group can help me through that, give me some inspiration to actually write, and also get me out of the house (I prefer writing on the couch while binge-watching Supernatural for the hundredth time). The first meeting I am (hopefully) able to attend is next weekend. The only issue I may have is finding childcare since the meeting is three hours long. I don’t have family nearby to help out anymore, so I’m not sure what I’ll do. I know I can’t bring them along – that’s too long for three kids to sit nicely!
Unless there is another cancellation, this will be my last therapy session until the middle of September. I really am a little sad about that. Tomorrow, however, is another acupuncture session, so we’ll see how that goes.